My New Friends

There are two people that I am very interested in. These two people are permeating my life right now. I think about them a lot, and everything I come across reminds me of some aspect of them. This is very nice, carrying these people around.


The first one is Gene Wilder. On my way from Corpus to Austin recently, I bought a book on CD to listen to on my drive home. It was a book Gene Wilder wrote two years ago about his life and his search for love and art. The greatest part about it is that he is reading it, and he has one of the greatest voices I've ever heard. Articulate, soft, warm, it's like a blanket. The thing that attracts me most to a person is their speaking voice.. and how much greater when they have something to say.

I relate to Gene in many ways. It feels like he is a Friend.

The other person's name is Helen Fisher. This woman is a scholar who has studied love for the past thirty years. Yesterday, online, I watched a lecture she gave. It has come up in almost every conversation I've had since I've seen it. I want to talk about this. Love. The science of love. What is going on in your brain when you fall in love...

She says it is not a feeling, but a drive. A drive that's even stronger than the sexual drive and a drive that leads to another drive we have, which is for deep attachment. Dopamine is a chemical in your brain that's involved with romantic love. When you have an orgasm, you get a little spike of dopamine. This is why it is possible to fall in love while having casual sex with someone you don't even know. It's crazy! There is so much to say about this, but you will be delighted to know that it's inspired a great new project in the works. A musical!

Haha!! It's perfect!

Jughead

Back Home

Austin, will you be this green when I return today?

Tonight I will face your eternal dilemma - which show should I go to? So many musicians living here, all friends. Some nights you have to choose which friend you want to see perform more. I guess of all the problems in the world, this is probably a great dilemma to have.

Anyway, I've been gone a while. Friends, if you're reading this, I'm excited to see you again.

Existential Crisis, Ocean Drive

I don't know if it is like this every morning in Corpus, but today I woke up very early and the city was filled with white fog. I went out looking for something. A quiet place to read, some coffee. The big green signs on the highway that say

Weber Rd.
Next Exit

..I couldn't read them until I was driving below them, looking up.

I went down Ocean Drive. It is just a street that winds alongside the shore. Because of this fog, I couldn't see the great big ocean and I was very drawn to that. I pulled over to get closer. I stood right before the damn thing, and could only see but 10 feet of water. The water that was visible had taken on the white of the fog, and it all faded together. Only at my feet, there were soft, small waves pushing in my direction.

At first it was beautiful. I could see nothing in my peripheral. There was just giant, gentle white surrounding me and nobody was around. Then a drastic change happened in my mind. The beauty lasted for one minute and then I became very scared. All of this white was frightening. It felt so deep in front of me.. deeper than an ocean. I felt like I was drowning in it.. being sucked in. Though I was standing up, looking straight ahead, I felt like i was looking down - into a place I would fall. A small ripple appeared in the water, most likely it was a fish near the surface. It caused me to jump. I turned around and ran to my car as fast as I could.. scared shitless, like a child in a nightmare.

I drove back onto the road. I've never loved cars, traffic lights and McDonald's so much. No matter what things this world is filled with, even cluttered with at times, I feel lucky to be among them. Though civilization could always use improvement, that it exists at all... it's a goddamn miracle.

So thankful,
Karrie

Bridge to Terabithia (Corpus Christi)

I am in Corpus Christi for a few days, visiting Ryan. If you have not heard of it, Corpus is a town on the Gulf Coast of Texas, and also, it's the town where my mother grew up. Most of my extended family lives here, and my dearest childhood memories take place here.

Growing up, my closest friends were my cousins who lived in Corpus. My mom would return to her hometown several times a year to see her siblings. Meanwhile I would get to reunite with their children, my best friends. I remember having a lot of freedom as children there. Our parents would be catching up, laughing and having a good time, so we were free to do whatever. We ran very wild and were very inventive and imaginative when all together. We had our world. It involved a three hour journey for me to get to them, and a very sad three hour journey leaving them, going back home.


Tonight something wonderful happened. Ryan and I went to see the movie "Bridge to Terabithia". We found the perfect seats, sat down and waited for the previews to begin. Just before the theater darkened, two people walked in the row before us. I could not believe, one of them was a cousin close in age to me. In fact, he was one I was closest to. I tapped him on the shoulder and we looked at each other in disbelief. How appropriate can you get? We ran into each other at this movie, which is a fantasy movie addressing childhood and imagination, needing and loving your friends, and sharing irreplacable time together. It is something probably everyone can relate to, but how many people run into that special friend, in another city, years later, watching a movie that brings it all back?!

It feels like complete magic. Just like the movie. Just like the past.

Lunch

Yesterday, I had lunch with my mom and she told me something I never knew about her. This doesn't happen often, as we are very close, and know even the oddest details about each other..

But I learned something new. She's been keeping a journal. She said she wants my sister and I to have something when she is gone so we can know how she was at 50, 60, 70 years old. We can give it to our children - a blood-lined train of thoughts. Also, there is a secret in this journal. Not her secret, but someone else's. I tried to get her to tell me what it was, but she said I'd have to wait until she is gone, and find the journal.

Ahhh!!!!

I teased her about it for the rest of the day, trying to get it out of her.. haha
..but there is someone's big secret out there who she cannot betray.

First steps

Hello, and welcome to my brand new blog. I have never had a blog before, though I have filled many journals. I will make a prediction that the content I offer here will differ from that of a journal. An audience will not so much change my thoughts, but definately affect which ones I share. I plan to share things here that do not get a fair chance in my journals. I hope you'll become my reader.