Moving, Again

Everything is going into it's rightful box. I have fifteen boxes of belongings, which contain everything in the world that I own: books, clothes, music things, medical things. There are a couple of items I own and have had for a long time that I will leave here, like pieces of furniture: bed, bookshelves, tv, music bench.

Taking chances is interesting, at least. You put a whole lot of effort into something, and things may go your way or not. We are not to know in the time of decision making what 'will be.' Everything may go smoothly, and your courage might be rewarded by the universe - you can enjoy the fruits of your hard work. On the other hand, sometimes things won't be as hoped. Your courage might lead you into a darker side of the unknown, a place you weren't planning on going, but a real possibility when doing something new.

I've always been excited about taking chances and facing the unknown. Now I see I've always been excited about the better possibilities, but very naive of the more brutal ones. I never thought anything too bad would be an outcome for me, a hopeful romantic who sees the good wherever I go. But here I've taken a chance that started with a lot of hope and led to a lot of loss and a really hard life.

So now I look into myself and, funny thing is, my hope is still there. It's just transferring it's excitement to another day, another time, another place. This didn't work out, but something else will and it will be good. I don't hope for anything too impossible, mainly that I can stop moving my belongings from place to place. I want a home pretty badly, and to be comfortable again. Hard to feel that in New York.

The thing that I have really liked here besides the trash on the streets are a few people I've talked to who are also uncomfortable. There is something very honest about admitting that. It's opposite from the attitude of pride in living in NYC. It is a city that can be glamorized and held on a pedestal, which can give some people a boost of pride and self esteem for just living here. I haven't been able to relate with anyone who feels too comfortable here. With the extreme spectrum of experience in your face all the time, you encounter it all. You will see or be involved in miracles here, and you will also see/be involved in the most brutal, inhumane situations possible. Being frequently overwhelmed with these extremes provides no stability. This is the true nature of our existence though. I don't mean to deny it's truth. I simply have a hard time believing anyone here with their eyes open can be completely comfortable with the truth.

But that is another thing about living in NYC: shutting down your emotions to protect yourself, to avoid confrontation, or maybe because you are too tired. Adapting to living here and being happy here may necessarily involve shutting your eyes, turning your head.

I don't know. I might have just come here too exhausted to accept the demands of this city. Maybe I'll come back in a different state and be able to see it in a new way. But for now, I leave in the morning.

So Good-bye, New York. It's been real. I hope you and your people can find some peace, which is maybe the only thing I caught no sight of in your colorful web.

But cheers and a million thanks for some of the greatest things I've ever found, that I've found in you. These two have made you worth every painful step:

Cold and Layering

Staying inside mostly, because of the weather, I am rediscovering some indoor things I love. My favorite of these recent revisitings:





One of the greatest comic book series of all times: Maison Ikkoku. It is a story that was serialized from 1980 - 1987 in monthly "to be continued..." installments. It's a romantic comedy, a long drawn out story of two people falling in love. But the whole time, you are on the edge of your seat as the two deal with their own reservations, insane misunderstandings that take place, characters that enter into the story to threaten their union, or maybe you've just fallen off your seat from laughing too hard. Heh heh heh

You can click on the photos to enlarge the pics from these two scans.





The artwork is very beautiful and each panel stands alone. The artist, Rumiko Takahashi adds thoughtfulness to every element of sequential art. Often, in one panel, I spend time thinking about what is going on, what is being said or acted out, then noticing the choice of background for instance. She is great at using secondary details symbolically to deepen the experience of what is happening in the foreground. All of the little choices she makes are so good. She is not just the artist, but also the writer - and this is a long, complicated story, but funny and light at the same time. The breadth of talent it takes to create this series can by no means be mistaken as low art for anyone who gives this a lookin' at. These books make me very happy.

Other things I've been up to while trying to keep warm: reading poems by Rumi, going to the store called "Junk" and staying in there for a long time looking at their old photographs and slides and loose papers, watching movies with Reed, recording some spouts of new music on my computer only to discover I cannot convert the files to a desirable format, looking for other recording programs, selling some items on craigslist to make my move lighter, thinking about qualities of human excellence and vice and virtue.

Here are the seven deadly sins and their contrary virtues. How to avoid the former: practice the latter.

1. Pride vs. Humility
2. Wrath vs. Forgiveness
3. Envy vs. Kindness/Admiration
4. Lust vs. Chastity
5. Gluttony vs. Moderation
6. Laziness vs. Diligence
7. Greed vs. Generosity

Some collected notes on these:

Pride - "Love of self perverted to hatred and contempt for one's neighbor" -Dante. Failing to give compliments to others though they may be deserving of them. Vainglorious.
Humility - A humble person is generally thought to be unpretentious and modest: someone who does not think that he or she is better or more important than others. "Humility is a virtue, and it is a virtue innate in guests" -Max Beerbohm

Envy - "Love of one's own good perverted to a desire to deprive other men of theirs" -Dante.
Kindness - The act or the state of charitable behavior to other people.

Wrath - "Love of justice perverted to revenge and spite" -Dante. Feelings of hatred, revenge or even denial, as well as punitive desires outside of justice.
Forgiveness - The mental, and/or spiritual process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation, or anger against another person for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.

Lust - Disordered or unrestrained seeking of sexual pleasure. Unfulfilled lusts sometimes lead to sexual addiction, adultery, force.
Chastity - Sexual behavior acceptable to the ethical norms of a certain culture, civilisation or religion. Embracing of moral wholesomeness and achieving purity of thought through education and betterment.

Gluttony - "excessive love of pleasure" -Dante. Overindulgence in food, drink or intoxicants.
Moderation - Finding the middle ground, avoiding excess, feeling centered and secure.

Laziness - Absence of caring. "Sluggishness of the mind which neglects to begin good... it is evil in its effect, if it so oppresses man as to draw him away entirely from good deeds" -Thomas Aquinas
Diligence- Constant and earnest effort to accomplish what is undertaken; persistent exertion of body or mind.

Greed - A desire to possess more than one has need or use for.
Generosity - Pleasure in giving things to others. Guards against becoming too attached to possessions.

Some beautiful covers..

Notes From Brooklyn

I'm thinking about warmer places. Definately like Texas, home, and also like the desert. I keep reading these New York Times articles about Santa Fe, and going through all my memories of a colored light, a sunset that changes everything and makes a great night. I am getting ready to leave this place. It has been great, but it's not for now, not for me. It has given me a lot in the past few months, and I am thankful and content with just that.

One of the most special things it has given me:
Trash.

Every night the sidewalks fill with trash. One need not jump into a dumpster here to discover the treasures of trash. There are no secrets here, and nothing to contain them. This is probably the clearest and most certain truth of the city. People consume and throw away so much trash - real trash, garbage, junk. But they also throw away so much treasure trash - things they don't need or have space for, but fully functional, working or beautiful things. If I were to stay here for a while longer, I would turn trash into my business. There is a lot of money that could be made from nightly walks, collecting trash in this city.


I was able to see something very amazing recently. I had a chance to see my hero Philip Glass at Carnegie Hall for a performance of Einstein on The Beach.. 1st performance in 15 years! God damn... The Philip Glass Ensemble is incredible. One may think of Glass' music as repetitious and therefore easy to perform, but to me it seemed like the most difficult thing. He has such subtle changes of single notes or time signatures, I imagine these pieces to be a tax on the memory of the players (not to mention their endurance). Even though they perform with the music in front of them, to play as fast as they do, they need to be masters to even just be familiar with it. The whole time I thought, "WOW!!!"

And then it is interesting to switch focus from the other performers to Philip Glass. It's all so natural. The flood of movement, his fingers crazed on the keys in such a rhythm.. but it's just the way his body moves. He's relaxed. He's wonderful.

The other reason this photograph of him is relevant to my life is that I've been composing again - I mean, writing things out and remembering how to play with all the elements of music. Playing and exploring. I've gone many months without being free enough personally to do this musically. Traveling and moving, worry has been constant along with efforts to take care. My heart has been burden-busy and hasn't been free to explore a tune. Great melodies have come to me, but I haven't been able to follow them, so now I have tons of pieces of songs but no song. My life has felt incomplete and ungrounded, and that's the perfect description for the tunes I have been writing. I'm happy to say that this is changing. In making the decision to leave here, I already feel a little more free. It's starting to spill all over the pages. For me, unified life = unified song. On the path to more than just parts and pieces..

And now - today is Isabel's birthday. Isabel is my friend in New York who I love. She is one of the most fun and free persons I've ever met. She's funny and very wild, almost someone you can't imagine being serious. But then you say "Isabel, I have a problem, I need to talk to someone" and her face changes and mirrors all of the weight you carry and you discover she is one of the greatest persons you could talk to. Happy Birthday Isabel!

When I was looking for a picture a of Philip Glass, I found this picture. Two legends working together. Earlier this year they did a tour of poems by Leonard Cohen to the music of Philip Glass. I feel a lot of admiration looking at this - two people who have spent 50+ years exploring creativity and working hard at their craft. You can hear in the results, how much work they have done and time they have spent on each single piece. Cheers to time spent well.

Covers

Recently a couple of people have recorded some great sounding covers of my songs.

Here's Eli and Ashley from L.A.K.E. + Ben Kamen doing Prayer Before Nightmare

And James Eric doing Tuesday

Sweet!

New York City

running blocks, guarded peeing on the streets, art show and a band playing on the roof, new friend with a surprise 24 dollar hamburger, lots of dogs, and a park much bigger than i imagined.

the tours over and i'm staying here for a while.

Middle America

"Outlaw Sodomy"
You know what I'm saying? Sometimes you see signs...

This is somewhat of a mid-point. We've been in the West and now we're crossing over. Touring and being with people for so many hours, I have more inside jokes than I can handle. Also, I've learned some real jokes. Why does an elephant drink? To forget. What is red and white on the outside and grey on the inside? An inside out elephant.

I've been doing a lot of hiking, walking, and swimming. I'm not so much a musician anymore. My skin is about five shades darker than when you last saw me. I fade into the red desert, they say.

Shout outs to everyone reading this. Crossing this threshold into the East, there will be a lot less time driving in the car, so you'll probably get a call from me soon.

Most of my thoughts are devoted to books I am reading (Pema Chodron, Yogi Ramacharaka), possible things to do in the future when this tour is over, and all the communities I've been passing through. Communities all across the board. People doing things, sharing what they do with each other. Each cluster having their own voice and sensibilities. Regional characters.

and someone has to say: fuck brings us closer to the brink of oblivion

Portland

My grandfather loved to garden and taught my mom how to care for plants. His and her favorite thing to care for were roses.

Today is my mother's birthday and I am so far from home, but I found myself in an appropriate place. There is a giant park here called "Washington Park." It has different beautiful areas to explore, and one of them is a huge rose garden. I walked around and wrote down different names of the various kinds of roses. Here are some of their names:

My Choice
Nearly Wild
Signature
First Light
Distant Drums
Pristine
Day Dream


It smelled so good there. There was a rainbow of rose colors.

Also today we went to a place called "Voodoo Donuts." They have a rainbow of donut flavors. They have a grape donut, and you better believe what it tastes like. We got a bucket of day old donuts for five dollars, but the bucket is so big. We cannot make a dent in it. Tonight we are going to a potluck and guess what our contribution is.

Olympia

Such a nice two days here in Olympia. Made some great friends; you should check out their band
L.A.K.E.

We played volleyball and I didn't go swimming.
This Olympia show was my favorite so far. The lineup was Eli Moore, Ben Kamen and the realest live tigers you could ever dream of.

From The Underground

A house show in El Paso, knocked on my feet, punched in the face. Ice came soon enough to avoid a black eye.

Pheonix Willow House Indy open mic, 3 songs deep, getting a glimpse of the underground.

Then, an eleven hour drive to Utah. Kilby Court was a great venue, but they booked the local bands first. We ended up driving all those hours to play for two people. The heart gets a little heavy.

Boise was breaking in the new Community Benefits. We played their first show. People are ready for the underground in Boise. They are making it happen. This was a really nice show. Ran into the nicest people there. Keep Boise Noisy. It's so clean.

Then .. What the Heck Fest in Anacortes Washington. We have been here for a couple of days. Google it. It's a hub of talented people; it's occuring right now. My favorite shows were Valet, Mt. Eerie, and Karl Blau. The underground is very apparent here.

It's a network of lifestyle and fashion existing in U.S. Every city is making it more obvious. There is a new movement happening. I'll write more about this as it reveals itself more, city by city.


Tour is a great challenge. I'm still trying to figure out how to do it, how to be centered, how to be a good friend, how to give myself in performances even if I'm run down, how to take care of my body, how to keep in touch with home, with the world.

Meditation, jogging, some funny word games, confusion, the ocean and a lot of driving. There are some good shows coming up. Oregon, and then Northern Californ, I can already feel the visions.

Pheonix

Now I'm on tour. There is a lot of sweating in the desert, and it certainly feels pretty good.

Constantly moving.. this is a lifestyle so opposite of what I'm usually dedicated to, so things are being shaking up inside of me, coming to the surface. I feel most comfortable with this. It makes room for reevaluation.. my dear friend.

I have two wonderful travelmates, a lot of time, and an open road. No complaints.

A Little Peace

Hi dear reader. I am writing in to say hello. There is a good chance we haven't spoken in a while. I've begun a new phase in my life, and my new schedule doesn't include a day off or much free time at all. This is temporary, so please do not take my distance personally. In addition to school and music, I have a job now and am working to raise money for a new project in mind.

But you should come visit me at my job if you live in Austin. I'm working at White Crane on South Congress. It's a Chinese herbal pharmacy, bookstore, gift shop, acupuncture clinic, and a hub for interesting conversations. It's really wonderful!

Also, two weeks ago, I started treating patients in the student clinic at my school. This is a big step! and a wonderful new addition in my life. My first patient came back to see me this week, because the treatment I gave her last time was helpful to her. This feels amazing. I'm looking forward to having more time to blog about my experience of being in a postition to help somebody. I think it is such a phenomenal and profound subject of inquiry and interest.

Meanwhile, I just have to go this period of busy-ness.. through it and it will pay off. I really believe in all the things I am doing, though I do think it is unhealthy to be this busy. I would really be a wreck without qigong. It is doing an incredible job helping me balance things out. I hope all of you, too, are finding a little peace.

The Most Beautiful People

If you have been reading my blog, I apologize for such a delayed post. A lot has been going on with me, but it's all been more personal, journal material. I am doing good though, just in the process of considering some big changes.

In other news, Austin is very exciting right now. Many people from different towns are here to witness the big music festival happening this week.
It is a delight to watch people who are new to this city. They point to and notice all kinds of things, and there are so many small treasures to find. I love discovering things myself, but second best to that is watching other people discover new things. There is an excitement that comes with discovery that is unparalleled. Perhaps, you can see someone at their best when they are excited.


I do definately believe that the best quality a person can have is an excitement for and interest in all things. Without a question. If you've ever known someone like this, you can tell - they are always illuminated. They are always curious and open, which in turn leads to being inspired. They are the most beautiful people to me.

An Inner Glow

If you are reading this, you probably know me and know that I go to a Chinese medical school. Besides being fascinated every day by what I learn, often times I will get free treatments during class. Since we are studying to be acupuncturists/herbalists, we have to get practice somehow before we start treating in the student clinic, so the students have to practice on each other in class.

Lately, I have been having "Heart-Mind Restlessness." This is the Chinese name for it. The symptoms include anxiety, heart palpitations, dream-disturbed sleep.. get the picture? Also, with poor sleep, I have been having some neck/shoulder tightness upon waking. This is usually how stress manifests with me. Some people get irritable, some people suffer with digestive problems, some get headaches. I get Heart-Mind Restlessness.

I've never sought out treatment for it, because it's always a temporary thing. I'm never too worried about it because I know it will disappear as stress subsides. But today, I had a free opportunity to address it and be a patient in my classes.

The first class I had is called Medical Qi Gong. Qi Gong is the practice of cultivating qi (or energy). Individuals can practice Qi Gong to promote self healing. Also, once you have become a Qi Gong master, which we are training to be (!), you then can use these practices to heal other people. The feeling achieved from practicing Qi Gong is one of the most amazing discoveries of my life. It may sound weird or funny, but it must be experienced. Since practicing, my body pulsates with a warm, radiant feeling and moving my body around is a joy. Simply moving my hand initiates... an inner glow. That's probably as close as I can get to describing it in words, but these words have nothing on the feeling. From Wikipedia:

"In ancient China, people came to believe that through certain body movements and mental concentration combined with various breathing techniques, they could balance and enhance physical, metabolic and mental functions. These movements were worked out over time by exploring the natural range of motion through the joints, as well as drawing on motions in imitation of various animals. This research was passed down and refined according to teacher-disciple relationships of lineage or apprenticeship. This accumulated body of traditional knowledge is known as Chinese traditional qigong."

"Medical qigong treatment has been officially recognized as a standard medical technique in Chinese hospitals since 1989. It has been included in the curriculum of major universities in China. After years of debate, the Chinese government decided to officially manage qigong through government regulation in 1996 and has also listed qigong as part of their National Health Plan."

Here is a picture of people practicing individial Qi Gong.




Here is a photo of my teacher, Li Junfeng, practicing sitting Qi Gong.




Here is a screenshot of my teacher in his younger years, not doing Qi Gong at all!




In the last few classes, we have been practicing healing Qi Gong on each other. Today, I received a wonderful neck and back treatment from a fellow student. I was able to treat her as well, and even though it was only my third time to do healing Qi Gong to someone else, I can tell it's going to be one of my favorite things. I am in love with the feeling.

My next class today is a class devoted to acupuncture treatment. Since my sleep has been bothering me, I offered to be a patient. Two other students gave me a clinic-type interview, diagnosed the problem, agreed upon a treatment, then stuck a bunch of needles in me. It felt very relaxing, as always. I had very strong response in most of the points they needled, and left feeling ready to go home and sleep...

Goodnight!

I love these guys...

Responding

With all of the books we read, the movies we see, the songs we hear.. what do we do with all of this information? All of these stories? Do we leave the theater and the movie, leaving it to exist in those two hours alone? Obviously some things affect us more deeply than others. Some things will linger with us, resonating longer, for personal reasons.

Do we spend days reading a book, only to finish it and never think of it again? I suppose this brings up the difference between art and entertainment. Is the point of reading that book to be distracted for days? Or is there a belief that there is something in that book.. something you might want to hold onto..

We take in so much everyday. Great things can be inspired and created from these things if we are open to thinking about them. If not, aren't they wasted?

It is hard to believe, with film, that millions of dollars are spent to entertain us for two hours. It is hard to believe that Hermann Hesse spent 10 years writing The Glass Bead Game so people would flip through it for awhile. It is very interesting to think about what is fueling these creations.. something within that wants to get out - something more important than millions of dollars and 10 years.

I like the idea of passing on information, having a great world-wide conversation, through music, film, dancing, art, science, love. Not only to create things, but to be speaking to each other in everything we do. With all the time and money put into creations, it makes things a lot more interesting if we respond to these efforts, rather than pass through them. Consider them. Maybe write a letter to a friend.

In other news, I finished Gene Wilder's book today. In the last chapters of the book, he talks about how he paints watercolors. I googled to see if I could find one.